And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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