Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize