I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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