No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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