Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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