Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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