i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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