I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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