My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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