how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize