She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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