It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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