Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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