Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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