I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize