my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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