i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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