He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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