She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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