Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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