you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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