Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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