We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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