R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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