I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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