my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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