I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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