i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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