I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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