I cannot find my penis.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize