batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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