ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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