Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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