Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize