the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize