It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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