i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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