i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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