I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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