I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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