I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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