I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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