I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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