I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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