k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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