your parents love me but you hate me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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