look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize