I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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