Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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