at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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